by Tymoteusz Buhl
You wake up in his bed next to him. You’ve never been in his apartment before. You feel tired because you didn’t sleep a lot. You drank a lot yesterday. Your body hurts because you had to share the covers with him and you couldn’t sleep in your favourite position.
You need to drink some water. You get up and go to the kitchen. There, you meet his flatmates. They are eating breakfast and drinking coffee before they go to work. They are surprised to see you there. It’s their house. You’re the intruder. They’re wearing nice outfits. They smell good. You are in your underwear and in his shirt. You smell like cigarettes. You smile politely, then quickly take a glass of water and run away to his room.
As you walk in, you can already smell how much you drank yesterday. All of your clothes stink. But you’re too tired to deal with that right now. You drink the water and go back to bed. By that time, he took all of the covers for himself. But you don’t mind. You lay next to him and think about what you did the day before. How did it happen that you’re here now? It’s something that you’ve always wanted to do. You always dreamed of being here. But yet, you’re not happy. Obviously, you’re not happy because you feel awful. You have one of the worst hangovers of your life.
But that’s not the only reason. In your perfect scenario, you would go for a few dates with him and eventually, he would invite you to his place. But none of that happened. He didn’t ask you to come with him. You weren’t dating. You didn’t kiss. You haven’t had sex. You wanted to be there to be wanted. But in reality, you were there, because his entire world collapsed the day before and he needed the company of a friend. You’re his friend. You’re only his friend.
So when you lay down next to him, you started to wonder what he’s going to think when he’ll wake up and see you there. He will be disappointed. Not because he doesn’t like you. He likes you and he’s grateful that you’re there for him. But in the moment of waking up and seeing you there, he’ll realise how awful his life is. He’ll realise that this is the reality in which he lives right now. You’re not the one who’s wanted there.
But you stay there anyway.